Cafe Today | Pop Tarts, A Chance Meeting and The American Family

A well deserved day off after many  weeks.  Finally!   Just a carefree day.  Or, so I thought.

~ | ~

I am up and ready to run errands before 7am. I always start my day early whether I wish to do so or not. You see, I have a cat!  My adopted furry house-buddy is Milly. Those of you who keep a Cat – after all, no owns a Cat – knows you never ever need an alarm clock.   Milly keeps to her own schedule.  Which of late includes sharing that crazy schedule with me.  She quickly and adeptly took to my personal House Rule #1. If I am up. Everyone else is up.   Before 5:00 am just isn’t good for anyone.  Good thing she’s cute!  Well, that was great for me when life moved at the speed of light.       Now,  Not so much!

Milly My House Buddy ©Cafe Today 2011

~ | ~

 On this well deserved “Me, Me, Me,  all about me day” I stopped at the local market for the usual Milly Treats and a beverage of choice.  No, silly!  It’s 8 am   Gotta have  my Coffee.  Upon entering the door I spy the gourmet foods section. Trying not to drool, I peruse quickly  and move on. Standing in front of me is a lady staring intently at a box of  Pop Tarts.  She glanced my way  and said out loud with a longing and a bit of wonder in her voice, “You know….when I was a kid… Brown Sugar Cinnamon was good enough for me.  How does one even begin to choose these days?”    “Well, what looks good to you?”   I say “At the moment , everything! ”       We both chuckled.  Two adults talking Pop Tarts!

Chocolate Fudge Pop Tarts courtesy Kellogg’s Corporation

 ~ | ~

“Thoughts”  came to mind at that moment.  Thoughts over at    http://thoughtsappear.wordpress.com/  and her Pop Tart  obsession.  Whenever I spy those tasty little treats, she comes to mind.  Sorry!  I digress!

  Anyway….. One thing led to another.  The conversation evolved into quality of snack foods…. kids not being active…… what can we do to encourage adults and kids to consider healthy choices and more.  Well, after all we are busy people and have the need to talk so fast that  ‘short-hand speak’ falls easily into our chat.    We were talking as if we were long time neighbors and just happened upon each other at the grocer.  We were strangers. Yet,  after  only a short time, we were. no longer.  The conversation bounced around to every aspect of life.  Almost.  I discovered she had 3 children, from elementary to high school.  She worries about them and what each passing year brings to their lives.  We all have or have had those fears for our children.

~ | ~

 Her mother is a recent addition to her household.  Her mother having  recently retired, was diagnosed with the early stages of dementia and can no longer be left on her own.  This has been quite an adjustment as one would imagine.  Everyone is on board, yet it means many changes.  Huge changes.  The family is making sacrifices and it seems the daughter now becomes the “Mother” to her mom.  Not so uncommon these days.   The mother/grandma is very fortunate to be surrounded by a loving family.  I shared some of my experiences with my own mother and family as they were strikingly similar.  For my mother, as the dementia progressed rapidly,  she had to live in a facility that could care for her.  A few months later she passed away.

~ | ~

Multi Generations Family – The New Normal
via Nebraska Dept of Human Services

We talked a bit longer.  Then she said that “thing” that had quite an impact on me.  I have heard this many times from so many  I knew.    The “thing”…..This lady has brothers and sisters who live close by.  Yet, she is the only one making sacrifices and caring for their mother.  Why?  Her siblings seem to think it is a waste of time to even visit their mother.    “She doesn’t remember if we have been there or not,  so why come around.” The siblings excuse.   “That was not true.  She remembers many things.” The daughter defends her mother, hoping for understanding.  Not  one of them can bring themselves to give their loving sister any type of emotional support, let alone financial support.  She is ignored.  Lonely. Hurt. So very sad.  She is loosing her mother a little each day, her family makes sacrifices each day and her siblings are deserting her.   A family in crisis. 

~ | ~

This poor lady, struggling to do her best as a daughter and mother to her family, is attempting to give her mother a life with love and dignity.  As her mother had surely done for her and her siblings since the day they were born.   This attempt at “being all” to everyone is great feat.   One can only attempt this  through prayer and surrounded by loving individuals.  The ‘Pop Tart’ Lady feels alone and fearful of what each day could bring.  I understand completely.  The tears are now threatening to roll down her cheek.  She wasn’t crying.  Just brown eyes flooding with tears of frustration.  “We must share the same brothers and sisters”  I added quickly.   Mine were selfish, heartless and uncaring as well!”  OK!  That at least brought a big smile.  Whew!  A crisis averted in the Pop Tart aisle!  

~ | ~

My heart went out to this lovely woman and I was a bit puzzled as to how to help her.  I could only offer words of encouragement and support.  This is the latest version of the new American family.  The norm for a family unit constantly evolves these days.   Yours, Mine and Ours!  The 2 dad family.  The 2 mom family!  Blended families in any shape or form.  These changes are even reflected in nightly television, movies and in print.  At the turn of the 20th century, it was the standard for a family to include Grandma, Grandpa, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, whoever.  It was just one big family under the same roof.  It did not matter the generations.  They were all family.  It was what one did.

We seem to be reverting to a similar version of that family here in the 21st century.  Actually, many versions of a family.  Far too many to list.  Still, I am irked at her siblings.  Nothing, Nada, Zip and big fat zero from them.  Shame on them!  You know that old saying, what goes around………?    

~ | ~

Lilo & Stitch

Lilo & Stitch (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

~ | ~

 

FAMILY.  In the Disney movie Lilo & Stitch, Stitch fell, literally, into a new family and both human and alien  learned to adjust.  During that adjustment period Stitch reeked havoc on the house , the neighborhood, the family’s relationships and oh so much more.  As part of the dialogue…. there was a line  where the little girl, Lilo speaks to Stitch…

”  ‘Ohana means family – no one gets left behind, and no one is ever forgotten. ”  ~Written by Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois, Lilo & Stitch.    Very powerful words!

~ | ~

How does it happen, that writers for an animated children’s movie involving an alien, understand human behavior better than the rest of us?  Anyone can become part of a family.  Example:  My Milly…the “no alarm required”  cat.  Some have ‘aliens’, some have pet snakes.  Eeesh!   Yes, anyone can be part of a family.  I do not have any answers.  Many thoughts, but no answers.  Having asked one of my co-workers these questions, she believes a good slap to the head for the siblings is the best way to deal with them.  Ah, yes!  Ye olde…must get their attention first ploy.   Well, I for one, am all for this.  However, this action may not be completely practical in all instances.  The BIG question is   “Will our families be loving and supportive when we need them?”    It’s a roll of the dice!  Answers are not easy here.  The thoughts – difficult.    I have hope for our future.  Life today is like a  rocky road ice cream cone….. tasty – messy – without the crunchy cone for support.  

  To all of you  ‘Ohana !         May no one be forgotten or left behind.     ~  Barb@Cafe Today

* * *

What would you do if you were in her shoes?     How would you handle this situation?

Could you make those sacrifices?  What could be done to encourage the family to participate? 

What’s For Dinner….More Than You Think

 

Home Baked Pasta

“What’s for dinner, mom?     Hon, what’s for dinner?”   

  

 Questions spoken aloud in many languages daily.  Albeit across the room or shouted loudly from outdoors. Words that seem quite simple, Yes?  Really they are not.  The act of cooking and enjoying a meal is vital to our well-being and our relationships.  Believe me they are.  The family meal.  It really is so much about the sharing of ourselves while preparing and serving  a meal.  While chopping vegetables, cleaning the shrimp and setting the table, whatever you do…..  there is magic in those moments.  The act of stirring a pot of sauce or soup…. conjures up images of years past.  Images of long ago that wind slowly through our conscious.  All the family is there.  Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Sue…. they are all there…..  Perhaps a  beloved family pet snuggled in the corner…no doubt anxiously awaiting a spill or two.  Smells waft along the stove, hover over the table top and much to our delight…engage our appetites.   A smile registers on your face.   Ah, another  “remember when moment” sneaks in as well.  The “remember when” could be from long ago or last week.  Words unwillingly  spill out as our mind races over these past events….. perhaps a tear as well…….yet we really do not know how or why this is happening.  We just see how each small act  and movement has such a power that it is remembered, passed down through  many generations.  Yet, this moment, those decades of small moments, all sweep past in the blink of the eye

 Powerful moments are they not?   These moments pass through our emotional self consistently. Being part of a “Family” is amazingly  heady stuff.  This simple act each day is so much more than just a meal.  Perhaps the way you move, hold a pan as you attempt a flip of its contents or the recipes you have lovingly shared over many years.   These moments were meant to be savored, they are memories in the making……..shared and kept immortal by all of us.  Therefore and most of all, enjoy every second you spend in that kitchen ……making those future memories.

There is no need to place guilt on yourself  if you do not prepare multi dish meals every day.  If your main family meal is one day a week, so be it.  It is all about being together, making memories and sharing great food.  Once your family, yourself included, realize that meals prepared at home are usually of superior quality and healthier than fast food and processed food, since you control what goes in each dish. (I prefer my burger and fries prepared at home.)  Perhaps you could learn a couple good dishes and then expand on those. Soup for instance.  Learn the basic soup recipe and then mix up the ingredients.  It is truly amazing how creativity will take over.  Everyone will think you a genius.

Most of my memories are from my married life.  I had no such memories from my childhood.  My mother did not prepare meals for I no recall of her cooking.  I did however, become fascinated watching my friends parents, mom or dad, prepare a meal.  It was emotional for me.  It was not that I cried, it was the overwhelming experience of watching and learning.  I learned that it was about food and sharing family dynamics.  I remember my neighbor speaking of her mother and grandmother making the “best” food and showing me plates and serving dishes that were passed on,  retaining her memory within them.  As I grew up, (notice I did not say mature) I knew I had to learn to cook from memories of my friends, then with a simple trial and error method with recipes.  I would read cookbooks as a novel at times.  The Websters always at my side.  No clue what those cooking terms or spices were.  Didn’t always know what I was reading, but I muddled through.   I knew I wanted to learn everything from scratch, literally.  Oh, if only I had Food Network, cooking blogs and all those food shows on TV.   Oh my!  So not fair!  This generation has it made. 

Today, my 3 children are grown and are really, really good cooks.  They take great pleasure in preparing, serving and sharing a meal.  They will always have memories to savor and share.