100th Post!! My Garage Door, Show Tunes and Lemonade

          Every morning it is the same old routine. Prepare that last minute cup of Joe to go. Thank heaven for Keurig. Laptop bag, check. Lunch bag, check. Purse, check. Give Milly cat treats, check. (this prevents her from running through my legs, tripping me as she seeks freedom in the great outdoors.) Then on to climbing over bins and boxes of Garage Sale items, hit the garage door opener at least twice, wait patiently while tapping my foot for what seems an eternity as the chain chugs along the track to slowly lift the overhead door to reveal my driveway and thankfully  the escape vehicle  my car.  Man! All I want to do is get out of the house. Getting out is like a battlefield. Yea, I know this is not exciting stuff, huh? However, it is the daily stuff that rules my life and probably yours.  So goes my life for the past few months. Boring, Benign and Bland. Until!  Until, I had my Light Bulb Moment! Light Bulb, I tell you!

My would be "stage curtain". My own little fixer upper garage door.

          That particular  morning I am taping  my foot, waiting for the garage door to rise, which takes forever, anticipating the ever present Glow of the Gigantic Golden Orb directly in front of me. I smile as I am about to greet the new day.    Man! That is bright.  It’s like looking into the sun.  Oh wait.  I am!    I’m blind!  I stumble my way down the drive,  seeking my faithful set of wheels to whisk me away!  As with Milly, this is my moment of freedom. Grabbing my shades and carefully tucking the cup of coffee into the holder, not a drop will be wasted here.  Wait a minute.  Hmm!!   Would Keurig pay $2 million for a spilled cup of Joe?  Nah!  The engine roars to life as I turn the key and rev the engine again. Ahh!  Feel the power!   All that horsepower begins to settles down to constant purr.   Well, maybe not really purring, unless your cat has a horrific case of hairballs. Honestly, it’s more like a cross between a Briggs & Stratton lawn mower and a 1975 Kawasaki dirt bike.  Anyway!  After a few of those migraine inducing Golden Orb mornings, I learned to put on my sunglasses Before opening the garage door. Duh!

Sun - Courtesy of God. Image courtesy of JPL Nasa.

          I Know, you are probably thinking…perhaps another door would end my daily bought of blindness?  Well, you see the only other door I have is the north facing service door. Yes, this would be much less sight debilitating than the overhead door. Therein lies the crux. The service door is adjacent to my neighbors yard.  Exiting in this manner would consist of a step down that is quite low, much lower than the threshold and for some reason I always stumble and appear on the verge of self induced bodily harm.  The other being, I often run smack into my neighbor.  He is not a bad sort, just not always sober.   Or happy. Or, normal? He has this sappy look on his face.  No, not Freddy from Elm Street freaky looking, odd.   And, why is he always digging and moving things around in his yard?  Thankfully, I do not recall any missing persons in my area of late.  I know what you are thinking.  My house in this neighborhood are the envy of all you readers right about now!            I know!  I know!

Dead Ringer for my neighbor. Courtesy Pee Wee Herman

          My Light Bulb moment!  The moment came one morning as I  was standing in front of the overhead, listening to the chugging links in the chain.  The door was going up and I had this vision come over me of a stage as the curtain rises and music begins to play. There I am standing in front of a packed audience, smiling faces looking back at me.  Wow!  In real life it was probably my resident bunny and a couple Sparrows.  You get the picture.  As the brightness of early morning revealed itself, I threw wide my arms and began to sing:

” You’ll….. be…… swell!    You’ll be great!   Gonna have the whole world on the plate!   Starting here, starting now,  honey, everything’s coming up roses!   ……. Everything’s coming up roses for me and for you! “

My Girl Ethel Merman as Gypsy Rose Lee via EMNBT

          What the hell was that?  Show tunes?  Broadway?  Where did that come from?  Hearing my voice out-loud is quite disturbing even to me, as I could not carry a tune. Tone Deaf?  I quickly looked around, eyes darting to and fro to see if any lives had been lost.  Human and animal carnage could be at an all time high!   Sorry world.   Still in shock, a lyrical sort of daze,  I ran to my car,  fired up my gas hog on 4 wheels and set out for the day.  A bit bewildered as to the cause of this bizarre  Ethel Merman moment.  Smack!  Oh no!  “I’ve gone round the bend”  haven’t I?  

Having survived my first attempt at Broadway, the following week I tried out the perpetual favorite….. “The sun will come out tomorrow. So ya gotta hang on ’til        tomorrow   Come what may   Tomorrow   Tomorrow  I love ya  Tomorrow is just a day away”       My apologies to Annie!   Then I promptly destroyed a few Rock Songs.  Bon Jovi would not be pleased!      

           What song should I choose next?  Oh, and do you think Red or Deep Blue curtains for each side of the garage door?  Lighting. I totally forgot the lighting. How many?  What should I do?

          It was not until much later I realized why this momentary madness overcame me.  First:  Yes, it was definitely a light bulb moment in conjunction with my smarty pants sense of humor.  My  warped sense of humor coming from being the last born of 10 children.  That in and of itself pretty much explains everything you need to know about me.  (There is a story for another time)   Years ago, I embraced my  humor and sarcasm for what it was.  Second:  Finding humor in almost everything can and does create sticky situations at times.  Thus, unconsciously I make Lemonade out of that daily fat ass bag of Lemons.  Tammy Faye Baker would be proud.   Now, if that were true of money.  Boy, I could make millions out of a dollar?!  I need to  work on that!

          Sneak Pick at My next Performance………

***I am seeking suggestions, ideas  for my repair or replacement of the garage door.  Anyone?      Anyone? ***

CafeToday | Funny Talking Dog Video – Bacon!

Super Funny Talking Dog Video

I really cracked up at this when I first watched this video.  Give a look and be amused.

** Even my cat Milly has a review.  I let her watch this as she is always on my keyboard anyway un-checking my spell check.  She simply stared. Turned her head to one side and raised a paw.   I my humble opinion that was a  “1 paw” vote.    

She is quite the critic.

A Royal Cinderella Story | Starring William and Kate

Friday Funnies

 
 
 

Wierd, Disturbing & Very Funny

 
 I knew they reminded me of someone!  William and Kate had much inspiration. 
Cinderella and her step sisters.
 
Enjoy your Friday Funny! 
 
 
 
Photo courtesy  KOOL-FM
 
 
 
 

A Sure Sign of the Apocalypse

I had always thought the signs of the Apocalypse consisted of Earthquakes, Volcanoes, Polar Ice Caps melting, Snuggies and New Republican Governors flexing their…political muscle.   Well, let me tell you. These are far more scary!  I did a full head slap when I first saw these.  Buckle up.   Tell me what you think.

1.   Breast Feeding Baby Doll with Nursing Bra.  The manufacturer states it is a nurturing tool.   Sure!  And what did you have with your side of funky mushrooms last night?

BreastMilkBab 

 ABC News Video.

 2.   Padded Push Up Bikini Top for 8 year olds.   Wow!  I did not know this was a problem.  Most eight year olds are busy being children.  I know when you are over 50 you may need a bit more support, but 8?   Naw!  

 Abercrombe & Fitch…What were you smoking at that party?

  

 

Padded Push Up Bikini Top for Kids

 

3.   #3 Was Missing in Action.  What can I say?   
 
   
4.   TLC’s  Sister Wives.  Well basically, any programming on TLC.  Isn’t it ironic that all these obnoxious programs are on what is The Learning Channel.  What do we really learn?
 
  
5.  Sarah Palin’s Alaska.


6.   Toddlers and Tiaras.    So not a fav of mine or fnkybee.
 
 
 
7.   Social Networks are  becoming a bit iffy at times.  I still have hope for them. Fingers are crossed.
 
 
  
  
8.  “Housewives” of whatever city.
 
 
 
  
  

New Theme, New Post, New Laugh!

I had been working on 3 new topics when all of a sudden, SMACK!  I realized I was out numbered and surrounded by lunacy, the NRA and negativity.  Go Figure!  Feeling much like Custer as he shook his head saying “They were all right at the party last night!”.  I really needed to smile and laugh.  My search for personal amusement StumbleUpon gave me this. 

My Prayer Answered.  (Now if only the others would manifest themselves. sigh!)

 

Human Resources sent out a letter to Employees:

To have been a Fly on that wall when those were received!

**This is not meant to be offensive.  Just for fun. 

photo courtesy i.imgur

 

Cafe Conversations | Cannot See The Problem, For The Problems? …Part 1

Forest Image via Maestronews

       

       Same question as the obvious one.  Can’t see the forest for the trees!   Are we not able to get a hold on the real problems because we cannot see through or around the problem itself?  Are we able to recognize any problem?  As our nation attempts to rid itself of this long recession, my concerns are many.  Answers are few!  Can we climb our way out of this quagmire of debt and joblessness?  Is there a path clearly visible to those decision makers?  Or, are we so burdened with political carelessness, that we cannot or will not find a true course?      (1.)   What would be your choice for a true course?    Please Share Your Thoughts.

~ * ~ 

        I am not particularly political and I am not taking a side.   Just voicing my observations.   As I listen to those supposedly intelligent beings not involved in politics, I hear plausible solutions that have a greater likelihood of succeeding than our current course.  I am completely perplexed by our nations leadership not seeing what others see.  The political machine sees the solution as 10 times more complicated than it should be. Thus the forest, trees scenario!  In a nutshell, it can be described as a person from Ohio wanting to drive to New York.  He is given a route with these driving instructions:  Drive to Africa, turn south across the Antarctic and veer right to dog sled over the Alps.   Sounds a bit like  an tongue in cheek Allstate Insurance Commercial.  (2.)        Should we expect an obvious course of action? 

       Our elected officials choose to solve problems with their “version of a solution” rather than intelligent, logical and fair-minded solutions that would benefit all Americans not just the top 2%?    The “driving route” situation described it well.  I am not sure they even understand that another, more logical solution will suffice.   A prime example is the Banking/Mortgage fiasco.  Quick  version:  Banks made loans for personal and business, all the while knowing that most would fail.  Crazy interest, ballooning rates.  The “Banks” made money on these loans from investors and stock margins with bonuses galore.  I’m talking $1o’s of millions in bonuses.  All was well with the world.      (3.)  What would have been a better version?

~ * ~

      This has gone on for many years.  CNBC presented a great documentary on this as I offer a very condensed version. Also, PBS has an older program on derivatives that is extremely compelling. You may wish to check these out to learn more.  This scandalous business behavior has damaged our nation to a degree of which, we have  not seen in over 70 years.  The final blow came as Secretary of Treasury Henry Paulsen stated (I paraphrase here) the people who purchased homes were to blame,  as they took out mortgages they could not afford.  No politician stood up, as his elected position should require and shot back”  Are you kidding?”   Much finger-pointing ensued.  Name calling and feelings were hurt.  Much like a middle school dance party.  With blame all around,  everyone in Washington is responsible for what came after.  The lending institutions received  100’s of Billions of dollars, that’s 9 zeros, of our money.  The banking/financial industry struck back with bonuses for their CEO’s and employees. All right!   Every good citizen pays for these decisions.  And they continue doing it again with the government’s blessing.  Enough!  (4.)  Politicians should have said…? 

       In my small town, I see the injustice that has gone on and continues to proceed at full speed.  The Home Mortgage “help” has only truly been of benefit to a fraction of those the HAMP  or MHA program was intended.  Example:  Over 4 million home owners and still counting, were to be helped by the HAMP  or MHA program so says the President’s plan.  To date less than 900,000 have been truly helped*.  Now that means that the program is less than 25% efficient.  So, it is like having an employee that was only doing 25% of their job?  Would a business retain that employee?  As a business, would you continue with a program that is 25 % effective?  Apparently we do as a nation.  (5.) Does the American citizen understand what this is and why should they care? 

        Bob of   http://takearideonthereading.wordpress.com/    had a very nice experience with the WordPress Support Staff recently.  So… I asked my fellow blogger if he thought perhaps the WordPress Happiness Engineers could help the U.S. economy with some of their problems as WordPress employs pretty intelligent people who know how to solve a problem? A bit tongue in cheek, yes.  But, if we in the  WordPress blogosphere can rely on those resolution experts for our crazy and sometimes off the wall requests, why can’t we as a nation enlist such a **group of individuals** to assist us rather than those with only their personal political agendas?  Just asking!

Is this an idea worth pursuing?  What would be your solution?  (Please be kind!)

*Explanations of the fraud in Mortgage Modification is rampant and will be for another time.

**Not really the nice folk at WP, but you get the idea that we need someone neutral to make a few changes. Right? 

 

Cafe Conversations | Feel Good Fridays……Do I Dare Add “Fillers” to My Meatloaf

Meatloaf!  It’s what’s for dinner tonight.

    

No!     Not.. that .. Meatloaf.   

                        This Meatloaf Silly!                     

       

       It is definitely a day for Meatloaf.  Yeah, good old comfort food man!  Snow, Cold, Crummy and I am not leaving the house! Oh, crap! I  have a hair appt.  Well, I will  survive.  And,    Won’t I look especially well coiffed while assembling my meatloaf!
+ – +

         What!   The morning news is reporting…. Taco Bell is being sued for not using enough meat in their meat tacos and burritos.  Say it isn’t so?     The Montgomery Alabama law firm  Beasley Allen,  claims the beef mixture that Taco Bell uses is a concoction containing unlisted additional fillers.  Such as oat, wheat and soy products.  The suit also claims that the bulk of the meat product is filler with only 35% meat.  Shocking  News!?

Taco Bell Nachos

        Ya, know, I’m thinking,  what do we really expect for 89 cents?  And, this company employs  the local young folk.  ie:  local teens.   If you like Taco Bell, you probably do not have a problem with the meat issue.  If you want tenderloin for your 89 cents, you live in an alternate reality.  When it is   2 am  and you need food after drinks with friends, it is darn tasty.

        So, now back to my Meatloaf?  Well hell!  Now I am really worried.  I use oatmeal or bread in my extra tasty Meatloaf recipe as well as my Spicy Meatballs.  What am I to do?   I have always added filler to my meatloaf.  You too, right?      Even according to Mario Batali, one  must have almost equal amounts of bread (or something) to meat.  I am not of that opinion!   So Mario prefers 50/50 mixture.  So, just maybe, Mario needs to hideout as well until this all blows over!  They may be after him next!

           I’m risking it!    I am forging ahead with home made bread crumbs.  Damn the Lawyers!   Full steam ahead mateys!!    Here’s the plan!  

        Turn off the lights…draw the curtains….be very, very quiet and wear my ” no one will recognize me disguise.”   No one will ever know.

  

My Disguise via ro500

 

                WHAT WAS THAT?   Did you hear it?       Shhhhh!………I think the “Filler Police Are Here!”
 
***Photos courtesy Good Housekeeping